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Patch 8.5: Riot to swap Top Lane out with Inflatable Bouncy House

When everyone said that Riot's audacious rune system was a risk, they were trying to suggest the game company take it slow--not kick it into second gear. Just this Friday in Riot HQ, the balance team invited top laners to take part in a new Rift beta. Everything, down to Jax's weak magic damage on his auto reset, it's literally just an auto reset, remains the same in 8.5.

Except instead of a top lane, tanks and bruisers have been placed into an inflatable jump castle far from the main map.

There are three jump castles to choose from: in lower elo, we have a Demacian and Noxian castle--the Noxian one comes with a basketball hoop. In higher elos, top laners can opt to play in a bouncy obstacle course as their favorite champion. Except Camille. Because she would pop it.

"It was an absolute blast," xXSoloCarryHype said in a League boards thread following the playtest. "Even when I wasn't top, you can hear them bouncing and giggling in there like the best time ever. It's really peaceful to be surrounded by such soft, bouncy walls. I think we love it so much because it reminds us top laners of a womb."

Top laners now come equipped with Bop 'Em fists (more fun than a pillow fight), glowsticks, and a box of vanilla wafers provided they agree to Riot's ToS not to leave crumbs in the jumpy. Violence is a thing of the past. No longer will these battered and frightened players have to compete with each other and the constant interference from allies.

At thirty minutes into the game, top laners receive the option to join the big kids on the main map.

"I-I-I was super scared," one of the testers tells us, a user named DiamondVSnipes. "Riot was so nice about it though. I was calmly led out of the jumpy to the enemy and friendly teams. The announcer told everyone I am a little bit younger and to play nice with me. There was one mid laner in one game who was like 'ugh, announcer, I don't wanna play with a top laner. He got a time out."

BREAKING:

Violence and tears erupt at Riot Headquarters as bottom laners, that is marksmen and supports, caught wind of the new changes.

Pro TL player Doublelift allegedly jumped up onto the couch in the rec room and started screaming, "WHY DO THEY GET ONE BUT WE DON'T? WE. WANT. A JUMPY. WE. WANT. A JUMPY!" Riot was willing to compromise, and ended up giving bot laners a free otter pop at the start of every game.

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