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Hearthstone | Posted by | 3 years, 7 months ago
Fan Creations

Fellow card designers, I have a request.

Quote From MrRhapsody

I'm at the worst mental state of my life, my creativity is gone, my passion is gone, my will is gone, and they won't come back any time soon, the whole deal of this custom expansion making for me was about the self improvement that came with it, like making cards, logos, lore, etc, but if the only thing I feel like doing now is go to work and spend the rest of the day looking at the roof waiting for the end of it, then I don't  think there's a point to keep working on it, nothing I do feels fun or meningful anymore

...

but my situation is critical and I must have full dedication to the treatment so I don't make something stupid.

I don't know the best words when it comes to this kind of situation, despite having lived it myself. When you reach that point where nothing seems to mean anything anymore and the most "productive" thing you can manage is just...surviving to the next day. I'm still trying to recover, even a full decade after I collapsed in a heap of darkness and loneliness. But I'm working on it, and that matters. Admit you need help, and seek it out: as far as I'm concerned there is no alternative waiting in the wings, so it's absolutely essential that you keep striving to make the only life you get a better one. For as long as it takes. Live, and fight your sorrow. We'll be here when you're ready to return; take all the time you need.

As for your project, I don't think I'm in a position to take it from you. I'm not making much progress on my own endeavors, including some IRL stuff: I don't want to get into the details, but I'm on the cusp of a pretty important life-changing decision and that needs my attention. I would be honored to work on it for you, but I can't give the expansion its due diligence right now :(

The flavor of the expansion is pretty cool, though, I must say. "Radioactive" could be a fun Keyword to experiment with.

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  • Quote From MrRhapsody

    I'm at the worst mental state of my life, my creativity is gone, my passion is gone, my will is gone, and they won't come back any time soon, the whole deal of this custom expansion making for me was about the self improvement that came with it, like making cards, logos, lore, etc, but if the only thing I feel like doing now is go to work and spend the rest of the day looking at the roof waiting for the end of it, then I don't  think there's a point to keep working on it, nothing I do feels fun or meningful anymore

    ...

    but my situation is critical and I must have full dedication to the treatment so I don't make something stupid.

    I don't know the best words when it comes to this kind of situation, despite having lived it myself. When you reach that point where nothing seems to mean anything anymore and the most "productive" thing you can manage is just...surviving to the next day. I'm still trying to recover, even a full decade after I collapsed in a heap of darkness and loneliness. But I'm working on it, and that matters. Admit you need help, and seek it out: as far as I'm concerned there is no alternative waiting in the wings, so it's absolutely essential that you keep striving to make the only life you get a better one. For as long as it takes. Live, and fight your sorrow. We'll be here when you're ready to return; take all the time you need.

    As for your project, I don't think I'm in a position to take it from you. I'm not making much progress on my own endeavors, including some IRL stuff: I don't want to get into the details, but I'm on the cusp of a pretty important life-changing decision and that needs my attention. I would be honored to work on it for you, but I can't give the expansion its due diligence right now :(

    The flavor of the expansion is pretty cool, though, I must say. "Radioactive" could be a fun Keyword to experiment with.

    Friendly

  • Hey mate, I'm sorry to find you in such a dark place. My Hearthstone time has gone way down during the last months and I'm not the guy to take over your project, but if I can be of any other help, please let me know. Even if I'm lucky enough not to have any personal experience with what you're dealing with, let me know if you need someone to talk to. Chances are we're living in the same corner of the world as well, I think I saw something in your text that hints at a fellow country - person.

    Anyway, I wish you all the best. Don't forget that you're doing great even when you're at your worst. Every little effort is appreciated and worth it. And like linkblade said, please accept help whenever it's possible. Sending a virtual hug, if you want one <3

  • Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that... Depression and similar stuff is really hard to deal with, but it can be done. I recommend seeking the help of a professional, it really helped me when I was dealing with anxiety and impostor syndrome back when I started working.

    Speaking of impostor syndrome, I don't think your creativity is gone. I mean, you've been killing almost every comp you've participated in this last season. I don't want this comment to come off as frivolous, I know you're dealing with much more heavy stuff right now. I just wanted to point out that we usually perceive ourselves in a much more negative light than people around us.

    I really hope you manage to feel alright as soon as your emotions allow you. I also hope to see you around if you ever feel like it. And if you don't, it has been a pleasure sharing this hobby with you and I wish you luck in all facets your life :)

  • I'm no card designer (I can envision plenty of use for your Mechanization in my decks), but I wish for you a path through the survival times. Life has seasons, and I hope you will soon find your way to a better one. 

  • I'm fucking crying, thanks everyone for your comments, they realy helped to cheer me up. As for the problem I'm facing, I may have it sounded like depression, but I actualy have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), which basically turn one's emotions into a complete chaos, and is the main reason why I don't interact more here as much as I want, I don't feel welcome anywhere, not even on-line, no matter how nice the people there are, cause I always manage to ruin my realations. Here's a proper explanation:

    Bordeline explanation

    Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.

    Signs and symptoms may include:

    • An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
    • A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
    • Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
    • Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
    • Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
    • Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
    • Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
    • Ongoing feelings of emptiness
    • Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights


    I have this shit since I was a kid, but the mental disorder reached the highest peak ever due to some IRL events. I'm completly fucked, and it's not about feeling sad, it's about feeling EXTREMELLY FUCKING HAPPY by a hour, EXTREMELLY FUCKING ANGRY on the other, and EXTREMELLY FUCKING SAD on the other, one day I feel like killing myself, the other, about killing someone, it's not a nice thing to think or say, I know, but it is what it is and I can't control it.
    I'm already getting help from a psycologyst and psychiatrist, and that's the thing though, in order to have a reasonable normal day, I have to fill me with anti-psicotics and sedative to shut my emotions downs, now tell me, how am I supposed to make creative projects without feeling emotions? Because that's how I'm living my life now, like a robot, I have to feel nothing so I don't feel everithing with exageration. It's simply impossible, emotions are an essential part of making art, and custom cards and expecially expansions are art to me.
    Well, I gues that's it, the treatment is long and painful, but I know it will end, just not sure when.

    As for your project, I don't think I'm in a position to take it from you. I'm not making much progress on my own endeavors, including some IRL stuff: I don't want to get into the details, but I'm on the cusp of a pretty important life-changing decision and that needs my attention. I would be honored to work on it for you, but I can't give the expansion its due diligence right now :(

    The flavor of the expansion is pretty cool, though, I must say. "Radioactive" could be a fun Keyword to experiment with.

    That's ok, I hope everything turns out good for you too, you deserve it. Thanks for your words and for showing interest.

    Hey mate, I'm sorry to find you in such a dark place. My Hearthstone time has gone way down during the last months and I'm not the guy to take over your project, but if I can be of any other help, please let me know. Even if I'm lucky enough not to have any personal experience with what you're dealing with, let me know if you need someone to talk to. Chances are we're living in the same corner of the world as well, I think I saw something in your text that hints at a fellow country - person.

    Anyway, I wish you all the best. Don't forget that you're doing great even when you're at your worst. Every little effort is appreciated and worth it. And like linkblade said, please accept help whenever it's possible. Sending a virtual hug, if you want one <3

    Thank you very much anchor, you are awesome, you always showed interest in my custom stuff , I miss seeing you around here more often. As for the country, I think you're german, right? Well, I'm actually brazilian, but as an avid metalhead, I love german music (and beer, Erdinger is the best), and often make reference to them in my cards. I mean, come on, you guys have Hellowen, Blind Guardian, Rammstein, Gamma Ray, Kreator, Sodom, etc. And ironically enough, people often reffer to me as "alemão" IRL(german in portuguese) So I'm just a brazilian that likes germany (except for the 7-1, that shit was traumatizing)

    Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that… Depression and similar stuff is really hard to deal with, but it can be done. I recommend seeking the help of a professional, it really helped me when I was dealing with anxiety and impostor syndrome back when I started working.

    Speaking of impostor syndrome, I don't think your creativity is gone. I mean, you've been killing almost every comp you've participated in this last season. I don't want this comment to come off as frivolous, I know you're dealing with much more heavy stuff right now. I just wanted to point out that we usually perceive ourselves in a much more negative light than people around us.

    I really hope you manage to feel alright as soon as your emotions allow you. I also hope to see you around if you ever feel like it. And if you don't, it has been a pleasure sharing this hobby with you and I wish you luck in all facets your life :)

    Impostor symdrome and anxiety are my last names dude, It's horrible to feel like the best person of the world in a hour, and a piece of shit in the other, but I'll  know it will pass, thank you for your words too.

    and thank you too Dragon, all of you guys are awesome. The expansion sharing offer are still up for everyone, and if anyone can't complete it by themselves for any reason, perhaps just a little help with making the cards would be enough to finish it, but as I stated before, I just don't feel comfortable asking for anyone, even on-line (and none of my IRL friends play Hearthstone, which complicates things even more)

  • Damn i'm sorry to hear that you're going through tough times. While i've gone through semi-similar experiences before, i don't have BPD so i can't imagine how you feel. I really enjoyed a lot of your custom hearthstone sets. If you need help feel free to reach out to me even though we are basically strangers and will to respond as soon as I can, and try focus on what you want to do after your medication.

    •