Fohtun-tellin 101 (feat. Madame Lazul)

If ya face a warriah on de ladda, den it's mo likely ta be a Pirate Warriah dan anytin else. Since dey be quite aggressive, I'd advise ya ta mulligan fo defensive tools and a Gluttonous Ooze. Cleah deir pirates, keep deir board in check and play de control game. Sometimes it be a good idea ta play a Doomsaya on turn 2, in ordah ta delay ya opponent's aggression. If ya survive until de late game, it would be gg.

If it be not a pirate, den ya might be facin an odd deck. Which is control and dus a favourable MU. If dis not be de case aida, den buckle up fo a looooooooooooong DMH Warriah game. Try ta dump ya hand and play Archbishop Benedictus only aftah dey cast Dead Man's Hand (while dodgin deir Duhty Rat). Don't let dem mill crucial cards wit Coldlight Oracle or Brann Bronzebeard + Coldlight Oracle.

Mek - de only good cards here are: Mass Hysteria, Doomsaya, Fohbidden Wuhds (fo deir Mekwarpa), Greituh Healin Potion and Shadow Visions (+ Psychic Scream if ya manage ta survive dat long). Find dem, stabilize and win. Cleah de opponent's meks at all cost, since dey can be magnetized or buffed wit Metaltut Leapa.

Spell - de first tink I want to mention is dat Masta's Kol is supa annoyin, since it allows de huntah to fetch Barnes wit ease and to summon a 10/10 Y'Shaarj on turn 4 (glory fo de Old Gods btw). De current deck doesn't utilize Shadow Wohd: Det, but it would be a good idea ta find Lightbomb and some taunts, which would soak up de damage until turn 6. Or ta play a Doomsaya right befo turn 4. Secondly - be very careful, when ya cast spells. Cat Trick be extremely common, so if ya have de possibility, try ta cast a spell, which would trigger dis secret first, and den play a boad cliah. Save Mass Hysteria fo deir spellstone. Oda dan dat - stabilize and out-value dem. If ya don't steal Detstalka Rexxa wit Archbishop Benedictus or any of de oda copy cards, worry not, because N'Zoth can help ya win de match.

Odd - look fo defensive tools (Mass Hysteria), try to save ya AoEs when ya really need them, i.e. befoh de paladin plays Quartamasta.

Aggro Anyfin - de only tink, which I consider ta be scary here, be when de paladin player has both High Priest Thekal and a Molten Giant (or both) in deir startin hand. If dis be de case, ya can't do sh*t about it. If dey be playin dos minions in de mid- or late-game, ya can use one of de big board clears ta deal with dem. As foh de muhlocs - try not to let any of de Muhloc Wahleadas or Ol Muhk-Eye die. Entomb or Psychic Scream and den Entomb dem, if ya don't have dis spell befohhand. If somehow de paladin plays smaht and kills off deir muhlocs, play Amara befoh de secon Anyfin Can Happen. Since ya be playing as a scrya, ya can also try ta gain a copy of de 10-mana spell and smack de opponent wit deir own win-condition. I can help too, so don't rush to play me.

Odd or Pirate Kingsbane. De odd match up be very straightforward. Just find ya defensive tools and try ta stall de game as much as possible. Against Hench-Clan Thug ya should be usin Fohbidden Wuhds, we also have an ooze fo deir weapon. If ya startin hand be really weak, sometimes it be advisable ta remove de quest and increase ya chances of drawin heals or AoEs.

Kingsbane. Always keep de ooze in ya startin hand and Fohbidden Wuhds fo Ship's Cannon. Ya should be playin de ooze only aftah de opponent plays a tutor card (Kevuhn Shinyfinda/Raidin Party). In dis MU de oda good cards be Ded Ringuh, Doomsaya, taunts (preferably Rotten Applebaum), Twilight's Kol, Greituh Healin Potion and Mass Hysteria. De quest feels way too slow oftentimes, but if ya have de Ringuh and a copy of TC in ya startin hand, ya should be keepin it.

If ya stumble upon Big Rogue, try ta find Psychic Scream, maybe [Hearthstone Card (Lightbomb) Not Found]/Greituh Healin Potion and try ta maintain ya health. Entomb is not a bad idea eidah. If ya face mill (ya don't see any "Monstas behind ya", and de opponent is cyclin a lot of cards), ya should try ta dump ya hand as much as possible. Don't let de opponent mill Archbishop Benedictus with de Coldlight Oracles. If ya have him in ya hand, ya can copy him with Zola or ya can use some rogue cards like Shadowstep/Lab Recruhta to multiply his effect. Speakin of Lab Recruhta, I generally cast Entomb on him.

I haven't faced dat many druids dis expansion, but accordin to VSreplay token is quite popular, so try ta mulligan fo cheap defensive stuff like Doomsaya, Mass Hysteria and some taunts and maybe remove de quest. Try ta slow de opponent down.

Jade was the most common encounta fo me, soo try savin Entomb fo Aya Blackpaw. Unless ya be low on health and ya wanna be buildin up Amara, I would suggest castin Twilight's Kols, aftah stealin Aya and havin her die. In dis MU I try to dump me hand, dus deny gettin milled from Naturalize by frowin away useless spells and I preserve de most valuable ones (Lightbomb, Mass Hysteria, Psychic Scream) for de moment, when de opponent's jades become huge. I don't play N'Zoth, if de opponent's board is empty - I don't want to lose it to Poison Seeds.

Dere be a big variety in dis class. I would personally advise ya ta keep de quest in all cases.

Evenlock - if ya somehow know, dat ya opponent is playin dis deck, keep Lightbomb and Shadow Visions/Mass Hysteria. De strategy here be pretty simple - cleah, heal, suhvive and den out-value dem. If ya be havin a lot of health and speah mana, heal ya opponent (and don't foget ta emote ;P ). Dis way ya play around Hooked Reavuh and Molten Giant.

Cubelock - Save Entomb fo Mal'Ganis or de Doomgads. Same as above - cleah, heal, suhvive and den out-value dem. If ya somehow suspect a 25-burst combo, den try ta time Amara correctly. Hope ya find de ooze on time.

Renolock - outvalue dem. Play Entomb on Voidlord and Mal'Ganis. Play Benedictus fast, because ya don't want ta risk him bein pulled by a Duhty Rat. Oftentimes I purposely don't play any stolen minions from me hand just to minimize de chances of lettin me opponent pull Amara or Benedictus.

Some of dem run Mecha'thun. RUN DE RAT, if ya face dis deck too often.

Dankest Aua - rare MU. Aida de opponent draws de nuts and pulls off some bullsh*t turns, or ya win wit ya defensive tools. In dis MU de only good cards be Mass Hysteria, Lightbomb and multiple Convincin Infiltratus on the board from Twilight's Kol. I don't recommend mulliganin for dis MU, because it's supa rare as I said earla, but keepin a Mass Hysteria in ya hand won't hurt ya.

Burn/Tempo - Take only cheap stuff in de mulligan stage. Try ta play around some secrets - Countaspell (cast a cheap or a useless spell first) and Explosive Runes (play Doomsaya/Convincin Infiltratuh). We have an ooze fo deir Aluneth.

Miracle Mage - Afta playin a bunch of games against dis archtype, I discried deir weakness - a wide and a sticky board. Dey don't have many ways ta cleah it, so if ya be 100% sure, dat ya be facin dis archtype, keep de quest and search fo Ded Ringuh, Convincin Infiltratuh and aida a Twilight's Kol, or Fohbidden Wuhds (for deir Flameweikuh). If ya suspect, dat de opponent would cast Time Warp soon and would kill ya with giants and what not, play Amara and our Lord and Saviuh N'Zoth. Or just me, so dat I steal deir quest reward. >:)

Combo - dere be many variants here. Some use Open de Waygate, adas just rely on Empera Taurissan. In dis MU we don't need de quest. Play Duhty Rat (if ya run it); if ya manage ta steal Research Project or Coldlight Oracle, den use dem, in ordah ta mill ya opponent. In case with de rat - use it 1) aftah de oppponent plays Tauri, 2) or aftah dey play a lot of minions and deir quest is almost completed. I also try ta steal Ice Block and when de opponent pulls off deir combo, I clear de board and heal myself with Amara. Ya can be also usin mi aid and I would fetch ya de Ice Block wit me crystal boll.

Control (incl. Reno) - "steal, cleah, steal, heal, steal, steal, steal and emote".

Ya opponent will most likely be Big Priest. De strategy here is pretty simple - steal deir annoyin minions and narrow down deir resurrection pool. Dis is why I ALWAYS try ta find Entomb in me mulligan stage (+ Shadow Visions into a secon one or a copy of Psychic Scream). De only minions, which be not worth stealin be Barnes and Obsidian Statue (+ Empera Taurissan especially if ya have a lot of removals in hand). And if de opponent plays or coins out Archmage Vargoth, don't be afraid of him just yet. He can't do anytin on turn 4 or 5. He becomes scary with Shadow Essence, because de priest player can recruit and have two extra bodies in de resurrection pool + a Vargoth multiplyin deir futuh ress spells, so I always Entomb him right befoh de Big Priest opponent reaches turn 6.

Oftentimes, when I cast Psychic Scream, I try to shuffle a really weak minion in de opponent's deck. It be advisable for ya ta do dis, because anytin small would instantly become a dead card or a bad target for SE.

De only bad MU would be de Mind Blast version of big priest. Against dis deck try to Entomb Malygos and Prophet Velen. Don't let dem die.

! I cut 1 Entomb and Shadowreapa Anduin, cuz dos cards be really slow in dis meta. If ya face Big Priest very often, ya should run de DK again.

Razakus - if dey play de OTK version, den RIP. Othahwise try ta calculate how much damage dey can deal in a single turn and time Amara correctly. 

Dragon Burn - Same as above - try ta calculate how much damage dey can deal in a single turn. Don't let dem out-tempo you. Play Amara and ya healin potions aftah dey Alexstrasza ya.

Innafayah Priest - well, dis be a bad MU. Try ta cleah deir freats and keep ya minions' health as low as possible. If dey play both Twilight Acolytes, den ya can play ya big minions safely.

► Card replacements and recommendations

REPLACEMENTS

• Awaken the Makers - Staple with all of de deathrattle minions and support in dis deck.
  
• Zola - Look, ya can easily use Seance instead of her, but I don't be wantin to ruin de outcome of Shadow Visions, when I desperately want ta search fo a specific spell (eidah an AoE against aggro or Entomb against Big Priest). If ya don't have her, den it would be best ta add a deathrattle minion, in ordah to speed up de quest completion process. If ya care more about havin fun, add Seance in ya deck. It makes de deck mo flavourful.
  
• Madame Lazul - ya can't afford mi? Ya tink I be not gut enough? Ya wanna face me wrath, ya insolent swine?!
  
• Archbishop Benedictus - Good card versus control decks, which reach fatigue. Kinda hard ta find a replacement, because no oda card can delay fatigue like he does. If ya aim ta have fun, den try to add some meme cards as a compensation.
• N'Zoth - ya be wonderin wheda dis Old God I worship be staple? Of course he be, we have a lot of deathrattle minions.

RECOMMENDATIONS

• Northshaya Clerik - if ya struggle in de early-game, ya can replace de Crystalline Oracles wit de clerics.
  
• Second copy of Spirit Lash - add it, only if ya face a lot of token or dude decks and ya struggle against dem. Ya can add Bloodmage Thalnos to gain more heal and to cycle more cards.
• Bloodmage Thalnos - gut Evergreen card. If ya struggle against aggro too much and ya need more cycle, add him and a copy of Spirit Lash instead of Shiftin Shade.
  
• Duhty Rat - nice little tech, if ya face many combo decks. I didn't include him, because it doesn't always pull the right minion, but if combo decks are a major problem fo ya, it can help ya a lot. Ya can even combine it with Zola.
• Mind Control Tech - gut versus some swarm or mid-range decks; ya can use it if ya be strugglin against them.
  
• Curious Glimmaroot - a fun little 3-drop. I personally tink, that de value generation be enough in dis deck, but if ya feel ya don't be wantin de ooze nor any of de oda anti-aggro tools and just make de deck mo amusin, ya could play it. It makes de decklist mo flavourful.
  
• Dragonfaya Potion - I tink de spell be fine in general, but not when Big Priests and Even Shamen are popular.
  
• Sylvanas Windrunna - a very fun inclusion wit a very stronk deathrattle effect. In the past I used ta play her a lot, but due to de current aggressive decks (mostly burn mage, muhloc shaman and mek huntah) I was forced ta play a taunt ova her. If ya wanna haf fun, ya should definitely put her in de deck.
  
• Shadowreapa Anduin - stronk inclusion against decks wit big minions, if dos be ya issue. It can be used as reach as well.
  

Rememba, a fohtun-tella be only as good as deir music in de background. If ya want ta be respected by ya colleagues, ya have to declare ya presence in de noisiest way possible. Here be a video I propose:

De point of dis tink is ta annoy de opponent as much as possible. Dey will feel de pain of losin to a class, dat would soon receive Radiance.

YA HAVE TA MAKE DEM SUFFAH!